Sometimes, you have to let children figure out how to solve problems, or suffer the consequences of their decisions, on their own.

This is according to psychologist and best-selling author Daniel Amen. Parents often make the mistake of “overdoing” their children, resulting in “weak children,” Amen. he said The “Built Different” podcast, in an episode that aired Tuesday.

Such behavior — like acting in your classroom to help them get a good grade, or giving them what they want to get over an impending tantrum — reduces children’s emotional resilience and independence, Amen said. And very resilient children likely to be happy, successful adultsresearch shows.

“When my daughter forgets her homework at home, no one brings her to school. If she doesn’t bring a jacket on a cold day, even though her mother told her to, no one brings her a jacket,” said Amen. “It’s very important that when a child says ‘I’m tired,’ instead of correcting them, you just say ‘I wonder what you’re going to do?’

“If you treat your children too much, then you are increasing your self-esteem by stealing from their children,” he added. “(People) become mentally tough when solving problems.”

Developing strong mental skills in a child It doesn’t require a “tough love” parenting method about harsh punishments, Barnard College child psychologist Tomah Klein told CNBC Make It last year. Trying to protect children from depression will not help them become more resilient, Klein said.

Instead, you can allow your children to face obstacles, mistakes and sometimes difficult times – while letting them know that you still support and love them.

“I see it as a very sympathetic, connected (way). ‘This can be difficult, and I’ll be here when you’re done,’ “said Klein, adding: “It’s a message of: ‘I hope you’ll make it. go through these difficulties, and I’ll be here no matter what no matter what happens, whether you win, whether you lose, whether you come in the middle, I’m here for you.

Similarly, when you encourage children to help those around them – from everyday tasks at home to friends and colleagues at school – the more they gain the strength and responsibility they need to deal with their problems with confidence, the American Psychological Association. wrote in 2012 blog post.

“Let them begin to recognize their problems, or ways to solve them, instead of dealing with them excessively,” said Amen.

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